I lay there giggling like a baby for what felt like eternity.
It was like I was high on oxygen.
At one point I even started making those “googoo gaagaa” noises adults make when talking to babies. And like a joyful baby, it propelled me into another giggling fit.
What was going on?
Spraying My Energy
Four days earlier I started a course and made the following intro “Hi I’m Nic, and I spray my energy in every direction”.
No, it wasn’t a meeting for hyperactive people who are searching for clarity in life. But that’s what brought me there.
After a quarter-life crisis I found myself two years into a search for what brought me joy. My natural state had become one of deep introspection that flirted with existential angst.
I’d become infatuated with the idea of living the purpose I’d defined for myself. Believing the antidote to my condition was the fulfillment purposeful work allegedly provided.
I found myself entrenched in the hustle culture. A full-time job at a climate-innovation hub, a side hustle serving gelato, a daily writing practice, military-esque exercise routine and signing up for every CBC and online course that piqued my interest.
My life reflected a game of pinball. Me the ball ricocheting in organised chaos between the features. Each opportunity a feature in the machine I hoped would provide me the joy I was seeking.
In reality, it was simply providing enough stimuli to keep my existential angst at bay.
Directing My Energy Inwards
Recognising a change was needed, a subconscious thought bubbled to the surface: rather than directing my energy outwards, what if I directed inwards?
It sounded great in theory. The only problem was I didn't know how. I’d meditated for a few years and while it provided peace, it simply slowed me down rather than redirect my energy.
In my search for answers a friend recommended a four day course called the “Art of Living”. The bio simply described itself as a “happiness course”. I cringed and feared I was signing up for another self-help guru. But it was cheap so I figured I had nothing to lose.
The Power of Breath
After my introduction I quickly learnt it was a breathwork course. Over four days I was introduced to three breathing exercises and the power of our breath.
It shared how our breath is connected to our emotions and mind. That if we change the pattern of our breath, our emotions and thoughts change as well.
I learnt there’s four main sources of energy. The obvious two: sleep and food. But more interestingly thoughts and breathing. Negative thoughts drain your energy as much as anything on the planet. While breathing is a better source of energy than food and sleep.
However, the trigger of my giggling experience came after the three breath exercises they teach you.
Following the exercises they allow you to sit there in silence. Warning you that different emotions may percolate to the surface. For some it may be crying. Others peace. For me pure joy.
But why?
I learnt that humans have seven layers of existence
- Body
- Breath
- Mind
- Intellect
- Memory
- Ego
- Self = Consciousness
Your breath acts as a cleansing mechanism for all the levels and something that connects you to your “Self”.
For those crying, the breath is releasing pain they’ve stored in their body. For those finding peace, the breath is quieting the ego. Why did I find joy?
I was reminded that the reason we call it a “belly laugh” is because it’s coming from a place deep inside you. That deep internal source is the last layer of existence your “Self”. I learnt that breath is the only way to tap into it for no reason.
I believe my eruption was caused by two years of searching. It was notifying me that I had found the answer to my search. That rather than spraying my energy outwards in search for joy. I need to direct it inwards and allow it to emerge out of me.
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